Spotlight on The Blab

Background and Scientific Data

Scientists are investigating the possibility of a new breed: the blab. Data is still being gathered; however, the pronounced breed characteristics have created great excitement in the organic dog community.

Breed Standard

Physical Traits: Distinctive color that is akin to the "tan" of a beagle's black and tan. Handlebar ears. Some blabs can have an apricot tinge to their coat; however, blabs' color can range significantly. Normally short-coated, but sometimes will have long fur in some areas. A distinctive open-mouth "smile." A barrel/long torso and shortish legs. Many blabs, even if thin, will give an impression of sturdiness. Eyes often have "eyeliner" or can even resemble a raccoon's mask. Many blabs have snowy white markings on their chest or feet. The blab "bib" is frequently seen on many of the breed's most comely specimens. (Note: Scientists are also investigating reports of a black and tan blab.)

Size

The blab can be anywhere from 25-70 pounds, most of it torso. As the result of this torso density, many blabs give the impression of portliness. However, this sturdy torso is one of the blab's many assets since it enhances their huggability quotient.

Health Problems

The typical blab suffers a genetic abnormality: the total absence of the shame gene. They will swoon, nudge or sit on feet for attention, no matter where they are, no matter how over-the-top this behavior is. WARNING: The photos below show graphic examples of shamelessness, which is incurable.

The Paradoxical Blab

Although blabs are shameless, they will also sometimes assume poses of great dignity, as if they are posing for a formal portrait. Scientists suspect this is a throwback to the yellow lab.

The Many Faces of Blab

Although blabs have simple motivations (food, affection and attention), they are extremely complex in other ways. On any given day, a blab might be alternately: Lazy, energetic, self-serving, loving, manipulative, calculating, kind, single-minded, affection-starved, and of course, shameless. They are rarely subtle about how they feel: Females and males alike are known to emit dramatic sighs when they are bored or forced to do something they don't like.

As a result, even the most casual photos of blabs reveal a dog of many moods and expressions. As a result, photographs of blabs are often preposterous because the dogs are in situations or have expressions that are so very, well, preposterous.

In the pictures below, only two photographs are posed. Can you guess which ones? Scroll down to see.

No surprises here - the two posed portraits are the blab in a towel and the blab with the little hat on. You will notice that neither of these blabs look happy -- in fact, they are giving a rather cold look to the photographer. This is because the blab chooses to express him- or her-self, and doesn't like it when humans intervene.

Blabs in action (clockwise from top left):
Cleopatra blab, blab Puppy Looking Strangely Dignified Despite Sand on Face, Making-A-Not-So-Subtle-Statement-About-Travel blab, Sleeping Ostrich blab, Maternal blab, Baleful blab, Resentful Model blab, Expectant blab in astounding position considering how pregnant she is (she had puppies the next day), Yoga blab.

The pictures at left and right show two subjects, sisters at under 3 months old. At this point, our scientists identified the pups, then known as Precious (at left) and Tuppence (at right), as possible blab due to several charateristics:

Basic appearance -- The puppy was the appropriate color and breed combination to be a blab.

Marks of distinction -- Eyeliner, white tipped toes, nose and chest -- The vast majority of blabs have these markers.

The third screening requirement was extremely expressive face and eyes -- Unlike some puppies, whose faces reflect a lack of complication and simple innocent enthusiasm, this puppy's face and expressions were evocative, and her eyes, seemed to reflect far more awareness than the average puppy. In short, signs pointed to a dog with more-than-average personality and intelligence.

At this point, however, further research was needed.

This second set of pictures shows the young puppy, Tuppence, at approximately 6 months. At this time, the subject has retained the blab appearance and has shown many more signs of blab-hood, including the ability to adopt preposterous positions, the hedonistic abandon and the ability to hoard possessions (you will note that the puppy is keeping close watch over both her food treat and her toy, an example of multitasking that is typical of blabs).

In this picture, the blab formerly known as Tuppence (now named Ditto) is approximately one year old, and diagnosis can be made authoritatively that this dog is, in fact, a blabbus americanus. The expressive nature of the face, coupled with reports of a shameless personality and behavior, have validated this diagnosis.

And what of her sister, the equally comely Precious (pictured at right as an adult)? Her adopters report that she is mild-tempered, somewhat timid, and almost clingy at times, and very eager to please. In other words, not a blab.

The inconvenienced blab

Sometimes a human will do something that a blab does not like. This often involves making a blab get up from a location where he or she has made himself comfortable. For example, many blabs like to lounge in doorways or otherwise block ingress and egress to the house. In such cases their humans are often surprised in those situations to see that their normally affable pets are capable of giving looks that, in a human, would be described as resentful. (One blab owner described it as the "cold glittering stare of death.")

Identifying the Blabbus Americanus

Has this dog mastered the head bump, arm snuggle and stealth cuddle? These are all ways a blab will make sure to get his attention.
Does your blab ever look at you in a way that makes you think that you are dealing with a person reincarnated in a dog's body? Do you have a feeling you worked for that person in a previous life?
Does your dog ever swoon shamelessly in front of you in order to get you to pet his or her tummy? Is his or her tummy infinitely pettable?
Does your dog ever "gladhand" strangers for affection?
Is his or her torso perfectly hug-sized?

If human, would your dog be good at any of the following careers:

Bar owner?
Lounge singer?
Rugby player?
Movie star (from the studio system days)?
Pickpocket?
Grifter?
Fight promoter?

Does Hedgesville Hounds have any blabs for adoption?
Not right now!

Do you think your dog is a blab? If so, send an email to hedgesvillehound@aol.com and put "Blab" in the subject heading. Our experts will be glad to evaluate your dog.